Can I see myself here?

25 April 2023

Many churches, especially those well-placed geographically, have visitors who are looking for a spiritual home. Alas, very few churches have major success at turning those visitors into valued members of the community. Books about how to grow churches narrate all sorts of techniques to encourage people to return after an initial visit – making sure they are talked to, providing decent hospitality, finding a point of contact that “hooks them”. However the single most important factor other than the worship experience itself is also the hardest to engineer. Consciously or unconsciously any potential new congregation member will ask themselves the question: “Can I see myself here?”

This question is complex. First it asks whether, at a deep level, the person can imagine themselves becoming part of this particular style of church. Are there enough elements within the first encounter that lead them to say “This looks like me. I want some more of that. I can see myself making a home here.”? But also, consciously or unconsciously, most people looking for a church to join will also ask something like, “If I come back and stay will I be joining a peer group, or will I be a face on the margins? Will I be in company, or will I be alone? Are there people here who look and sound and think like me?” In other words, “will I really be welcome?”

* * *

Annabelle is a young Singaporean student who became a Christian after coming to Australia.  She has moved to a new flat and thinks she might like to attend a church near to her new home. She looks up options on Google and discovers an Anglican church just around the corner. She has some friends who attend an Anglican church near her university, so she thinks she might give the local one a go. She turns up at 10am the following Sunday and is greeted by a friendly white-haired lady who hands her a heavy red song book and a paper booklet. She finds a seat and waits for the service to begin. The service is a bit boring. She doesn’t know any of the songs or where they are in the book, and the congregation doesn’t sing very loudly, so maybe they don’t know either. The minister preaches a sermon about how God loves the elderly, and about the need for reform in aged care. He doesn’t really talk much about the Bible readings. At the end of the service Annabelle hesitantly accepts an offer to stay for coffee, but the coffee isn’t very good, and no-one talks to her other than to ask where she comes from. She notices that there is no-one even close to her age, and that hers is the only Asian face. The white-haired lady who handed her the books takes pity on her and comes across. She tells Annabelle that there’s a Baptist church up the road where there are lots of Asian students, and maybe she’d be more comfortable there 

Yes, thinks Annabelle. Maybe I would.

* * *

The relatively monochrome nature of many older congregations is one of the most challenging impediments to diverse numerical growth. We have all encountered churches whose congregations insist they are diverse and welcoming, and yet are almost entirely elderly and subconsciously resistant to newcomers. (And often entirely or almost entirely white.) Often such congregations insist that “we wish more young people would come.” Scarily of course younger people often do come – but they only come once, because they cannot imagine themselves ever fitting in.

This is not a problem unique to older congregations, even if that is the context in which it is perhaps most easily seen. In reverse: a service that is focussed entirely on overseas student ministry and is led only by highly energetic people under 25 may be a very intimidating place for an eighty year-old who uses a walker to get around. And it’s not just about age. An age-diverse but ethnically monochrome congregation may be friendly to newcomers, but if that newcomer is the only person present who is not of the same ethnic “look” as everyone else there is already a huge barrier to them feeling at home. Passive racism in the church is a thing, and we need to acknowledge it more often than we do.

And then of course there is the experience of a non-straight person walking into an entirely hetero-normative church….

Are these insoluble problems? Or are we destined to worship only in silos of people entirely like us? And what if we are in a country town with only one church, and that Church only serves only one demographic group? Can healthy diversity actually be achieved where it does not presently exist?

* * *

Annabelle is a young Singaporean student who became a Christian after moving to Australia.  She has moved to a new flat and thinks she might like to attend a church near to her new home. She looks up options on Google and discovers an Anglican church just around the corner. She has some friends who attend an Anglican church near her university, so she thinks she might give the local one a go. She turns up at 10am the following Sunday and is greeted by a group of people chatting out the front of the church, one of whom is a friendly white-haired lady who hands her a booklet and asks her whether she’s been to this church before. She quickly explains that the booklet contains all she will need to follow the service. Another of the group, Minh, a young woman of Vietnamese heritage, offers to sit with her. Minh explains that she’s new too, and has only been at this church for a month or so, but that they are nice people. The service begins with a song, just like in her old church, but this one sounds very traditional. Annabelle can read music and the music for the song is pretty simple and is printed in the booklet, so by about verse three she’s got the hang of it and joins in. The minister preaches a sermon based on 1 John 3 about how God loves everyone, regardless of age, ethnicity, gender or sexuality. Annabelle has never heard a sermon like this. She’s intrigued. The service is very formal, but people are smiling, and there’s a nice smell made by the smoke machine someone waves around up the front. At the end of the service Minh encourages Annabelle to stay for coffee. The coffee is hot and strong, and there are some really yummy cakes. Minh introduces Annabelle to some of the people who were dressed in robes up the front. One of them, a blond boy called Tony, carried the smoke machine. Annabelle thinks his makeup is really cool. She recognises him from the Queer activist group at her Uni campus. Minh and her friends seem to be very keen about Jesus and about Church. They invite Annabelle to lunch. She has to go to meet some Uni friends, but she decides that she will come back next week.

* * *

Question: How do we change Annabelle’s experience to this?

Next week no firm answers, but some questions to ask in your congregation.

And a few more takes on Annabelle’s story.